Setbacks

I've had to deal with so much stuff in the past few years, it's hard to remember back when life was just easy.  I know other people also have problems, which is why I always tell myself that mine aren't that bad, but shit, they bug the hell out of me.
Sometimes I'm able to just forget about whatever's going on, put it in the back of my mind for a while, and focus on what's going on at the current moment.  But other times, whatever's going on in my head takes priority, I can't focus, I can't get it out of my head.  It's mentally debilitating, it can ruin my entire day.  And the part that makes it worse, is I've grown so used to telling myself that my problems aren't that bad and nobody wants to hear about them.  Because of that, I almost never let anybody in, nobody will know exactly what's going on in my head because I have emotional barriers.
I try to be a genuine guy, I try to not hide things from my friends and family.  Of course there are things I won't bring up unless asked, like my brother, but I'll still talk about it, I won't lie about that, it's part of who I am, and if there's one thing I want my friends to learn about me, is who I am and what made me this way.
A quote that sticks in my head is "Trust everybody, just don't trust the devil inside them." [The Italian Job]  That quote strikes an eerie note with me, because I feel it is a very good way to live a life, but I don't know what the devil inside myself is like.  If someone were to tell me, if someone could tell me, that would be eye-opening.  It's like somebody critiquing my photos, it might be hard to hear it, but it's another's opinion about what you're doing right and wrong, you just need swallow your pride and take the advice.
I think I should stop watching so many movies and do something more productive with myself.  I have no idea what, but I think it would be a good idea to pick something up, something that will make me a better person.  Reading?  Studying something?  I might need to just sit in a dark, quiet room and think about it.  Hollywood is a little too fake for me right now, life never plays out like it does in the movies.  Your neighbor isn't a serial killer, your mother's friend doesn't want to bang you, your friends aren't going to throw you a surprise birthday party, and you can't make a fraternity consisting of non-students.
But now that I think about it, even reading novels, it's the same thing as all these Hollywood movies, just with less explosions.  Depending on the book, it's just as far-fetched as any movie.  So what is left?

Living.

This is my brother