Lions will be lions

Are you running away from something, or running towards something?

I am terrified of settling down. Moving back to Wisconsin, in my head, was the epitome is settling down. I was moving back into the room I had spent many years in, using the same bathroom that I had for 16 some-odd years, put my clothes in the same closet I had used for so long, it had become routine. Even thinking about this now, me writing this in the aforementioned room, makes me sick to my fucking stomach.

I was on a roll for a few years, moving every 6 months like clockwork. My 'security blanket' was a suitcase, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Then, came the opportunity of a lifetime, a dream come true, the bright side of a bad situation.

If you've read many of my previous posts, you may know of the point in my life which took place 6/15/09 - 9/21/09.

I had the pleasure of having my grandparents (whom I was living with at the time) move out of their house, back to the midwest. No, they didn't leave me with their house, they sold it, packed up, and got the hell outta dodge.

Well, what about me?

I seized that opportunity and decided to have a life adventure. One that would change my life forever. After careful thought and research, I decided I would live a nomadic lifestyle for a while, living out of a backpack and a keen ability to adapt to life situations...like Wolverine.

If one were so inclined to hear about those adventures, see the earlier posts in my blog. I feel I would sound like a broken record if I once again wrote about my backpack adventures, so I will spare you.

I guess, in a very roundabout way, I'm trying to say that this period of my life was an amazing time, always at risk, living on the edge, never knowing where I'm going to stay, where I'll end up, if I can afford to eat that day.

Did I enjoy this?

Fuck yeah I did.

But now look at me, I've been living in Wisconsin for the past 'I would rather not say", and hating every single minute of it. Do I have a little anger inside because of that? Yes.

You're a baker, and you love helping out your local community. The zoo in town is preparing to have a birthday party for the famous Lion, Reggie. You decide it would be a kind gesture to make Reggie an extravagant birthday cake, with all of the trimmings. I'm not talking about a funfetti cake, I'm talking Cake Boss style cake with fireworks, modeling chocolate in the shape of other animals, and thousands of tiny blades of grass made of green frosting. You spend every waking moment working on this cake. It has become not just a cake, but your life. Everything about yourself is being poured into this cake, your blood, sweat, & tears. After many hours slaving over it, the creation is finally finished, and just in time. You arrive at the giant birthday party, the entire town is there. Reggie paces back and forth in his cage, inspecting all of the people who showed up for his special day. As time goes on, the tension builds, you think to yourself,

"What will he think?"

"Is it good enough?"

"Should I have done...?"

The time approaches for you to unveil your creation to Reggie. The zookeepers bring the cake into the cage, candles lit, it is perfect.

You know that all your hard work was wor...

What's this? It appears that Reggie is tearing the cake to pieces, as if it was a wounded gazelle.

Looks like Reggie didn't care about your stupid cake.

He's a fucking Lion.

Lions will be lions, and you can't hold it against them for obeying the laws of nature. You just can't help but hate yourself for all the hard work, sacrifices, and effort you put into preparing this gift for him.